Sophie and Beauty Pageants

When Sophie was 6 months old, she won a local "beauty pageant", mainly because she was the only baby awake and lively. (The judges didnt realize she never slept.)



I'm the antithesis of a "pageant mom". I'm highly antisocial and even worse, don't care about that mess. Plus, Sophie is a bit...how did her preschool teacher put it...Oh, that's right...Sophie is a bit EXUBERANT. Constant exuberance. And, Im TIRED.



However, Someone Who Shall Remain Nameless(but whose initials are MAMAW) has been letting Sophie watch Toddlers and Tiaras this summer.



She has now decided she wants to be in the beauty pageants like those girls on Toddlers and Tiaras. Every night she plays Beauty Pageant Girl where she dresses up in various outfits and I have to announce her entrance.



She saw one little girl who was dressed in Western Wear........Well, hot dog, Sophie has a cowgirl hat....and boots....and denim cut offs...and, well, she can improvise on the halter top, by golly......



Video.....




Picture.....





I asked her what the sucker was for.....She said "I just thought it would look cute!"




Do they still have nunneries?

Sophie, Mamaw and Bible School....

My lovely, wonderful mother made Sophie a sun dress. Sophie decreed it her Bible School dress and that it was WONDERFUL and PERFECT.....except....

Sophie: Mamaw! My dress needs POCKETS!


Mamaw: Why?


Sophie: I have to have somewhere to put the tip.....


Mamaw: Tip? What tip?


Sophie: You know, mamaw, the tip? It goes in that bowl they pass around?


Mamaw: Do you mean the collection plate?


Sophie: Oh yeah, that thing.




**********************



Mamaw: How was Bible School last night?


Sophie: It was GREAT! We had Mexican Haystacks to eat!

(pause)

Sophie: You should go to work there, mamaw. You are the best cook in the world.

Bible School Rules

Bible School started today. Sophie LOVES it. She waits all year for it.


So, yesterday we had a conversation...


Me: Sophie, are you going to Bible School tomorrow night?

Sophie: Yes, I am! Miss Shelia is going to give me a present if Im good.

Me: What's the first rule of behaving at Bible School? Noooo......?(Im hoping for anything to do with fighting, hitting, choking, screaming, crying, pinching, biting, typical behavior between her and her cousin M)

Sophie: Ummmm......Noooo........Cussing?

Me: Well, thats a very IMPORTANT rule for Bible School, but I was thinking what you shouldnt do to M.

Sophie: Make him cry?

Me(after a deep, deep sigh): Well yeah, but I was thinking No Hitting....

Sophie: OH, yeah, no hitting M..

Me: And...?(praying for ANYTHING from the above list)

Sophie: I know, I know, no hitting M OR E(M's 13 yr old sister). M will cry and E will cuss.



Can someone tell me why my eye is twitching?



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


Called my mom this morning...told her the conversation from above. Apparently she took it upon herself to educate my and my sister's poor Heathen Children. I got Sophie ready for Bible School then went to pick my neice and nephew up. Took them all up to the church and as they were scrambling to get out of the car, I asked again "WHAT"S THE RULES FOR BIBLE SCHOOL?"


They recited, in unison, "THERE'S FOUR GOLD RULES OF BIBLE SCHOOL".... E's friend came up so she left, then M got out and I asked Sophie, "What's these rules?"

Sophie: OH, they're easy.......1. No cussing in church. Maybe in the graveyard, but not the church. 2. No hitting anyone, especially M because he cries. 3. No screaming or crying, even if you get hit. 4. No noxious gas is allowed to escape from anyone's booty.


With that, she hopped out of my Jeep, ran to E who told her SOMETHING I(luckily) couldnt hear which caused Sophie to wallop E on the arm and then run inside the church.



I pretended those Heathen Children didnt belong to me and I drove off.



Nobody called and I didnt get a note. I just hope there was no cussing tonight.