Sophie and Beauty Pageants

When Sophie was 6 months old, she won a local "beauty pageant", mainly because she was the only baby awake and lively. (The judges didnt realize she never slept.)



I'm the antithesis of a "pageant mom". I'm highly antisocial and even worse, don't care about that mess. Plus, Sophie is a bit...how did her preschool teacher put it...Oh, that's right...Sophie is a bit EXUBERANT. Constant exuberance. And, Im TIRED.



However, Someone Who Shall Remain Nameless(but whose initials are MAMAW) has been letting Sophie watch Toddlers and Tiaras this summer.



She has now decided she wants to be in the beauty pageants like those girls on Toddlers and Tiaras. Every night she plays Beauty Pageant Girl where she dresses up in various outfits and I have to announce her entrance.



She saw one little girl who was dressed in Western Wear........Well, hot dog, Sophie has a cowgirl hat....and boots....and denim cut offs...and, well, she can improvise on the halter top, by golly......



Video.....




Picture.....





I asked her what the sucker was for.....She said "I just thought it would look cute!"




Do they still have nunneries?

Sophie, Mamaw and Bible School....

My lovely, wonderful mother made Sophie a sun dress. Sophie decreed it her Bible School dress and that it was WONDERFUL and PERFECT.....except....

Sophie: Mamaw! My dress needs POCKETS!


Mamaw: Why?


Sophie: I have to have somewhere to put the tip.....


Mamaw: Tip? What tip?


Sophie: You know, mamaw, the tip? It goes in that bowl they pass around?


Mamaw: Do you mean the collection plate?


Sophie: Oh yeah, that thing.




**********************



Mamaw: How was Bible School last night?


Sophie: It was GREAT! We had Mexican Haystacks to eat!

(pause)

Sophie: You should go to work there, mamaw. You are the best cook in the world.

Bible School Rules

Bible School started today. Sophie LOVES it. She waits all year for it.


So, yesterday we had a conversation...


Me: Sophie, are you going to Bible School tomorrow night?

Sophie: Yes, I am! Miss Shelia is going to give me a present if Im good.

Me: What's the first rule of behaving at Bible School? Noooo......?(Im hoping for anything to do with fighting, hitting, choking, screaming, crying, pinching, biting, typical behavior between her and her cousin M)

Sophie: Ummmm......Noooo........Cussing?

Me: Well, thats a very IMPORTANT rule for Bible School, but I was thinking what you shouldnt do to M.

Sophie: Make him cry?

Me(after a deep, deep sigh): Well yeah, but I was thinking No Hitting....

Sophie: OH, yeah, no hitting M..

Me: And...?(praying for ANYTHING from the above list)

Sophie: I know, I know, no hitting M OR E(M's 13 yr old sister). M will cry and E will cuss.



Can someone tell me why my eye is twitching?



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


Called my mom this morning...told her the conversation from above. Apparently she took it upon herself to educate my and my sister's poor Heathen Children. I got Sophie ready for Bible School then went to pick my neice and nephew up. Took them all up to the church and as they were scrambling to get out of the car, I asked again "WHAT"S THE RULES FOR BIBLE SCHOOL?"


They recited, in unison, "THERE'S FOUR GOLD RULES OF BIBLE SCHOOL".... E's friend came up so she left, then M got out and I asked Sophie, "What's these rules?"

Sophie: OH, they're easy.......1. No cussing in church. Maybe in the graveyard, but not the church. 2. No hitting anyone, especially M because he cries. 3. No screaming or crying, even if you get hit. 4. No noxious gas is allowed to escape from anyone's booty.


With that, she hopped out of my Jeep, ran to E who told her SOMETHING I(luckily) couldnt hear which caused Sophie to wallop E on the arm and then run inside the church.



I pretended those Heathen Children didnt belong to me and I drove off.



Nobody called and I didnt get a note. I just hope there was no cussing tonight.

Conversations w her cousin...

Sophie and my nephew(M) were in the toy room today... Here are some conversations:


Sophie: Knock Knock

M: Who's there?

Sophie: Orange.

M: Orange who?

Sophie: Orange you glad youre not evil like me?

M: Yeah, yeah I am....



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *




Sophie: Why did the bear go over the mountain?

M: I dunno, why?

Sophie: Cause he couldnt go under it.....Well, *that* makes no sense?

M: No, no it doesnt.



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


Sophie: Hey, I went to church this morning!

M: So?

Sophie: Do you know what they gave me to eat?

M: No....

Sophie: NOTHING! Can you believe that?

Sophie's Career Aspirations...

This happened years ago...


Sophie was probably 2 1/2 or 3 yrs old....I was trying to get her dressed, she was running around naked or nearly naked. Her daddy said "Girl, you better get your clothes on. Do you want people to see you naked?"

Sophie, in perfect 2 1/2-3 yr old sass, stopped in her tracks, put her hand on her hip and said "Daddy, When I grow up, Im gonna dance naked, in front of people, for money! And you and Momma can come watch!"

Her daddy picked his jaw up off the floor to ask "And where are you gonna put this money? In your pockets?"

So she slapped her OTHER hand onto her OTHER hip and replied as only a child with no clue can....


"I will be NAKED and I will have NO POCKETS! I will put it in my CRASH REGISTER!"

New kittens....

We have new kittens....5. Joy joy.


Sophie is IN LOVE. 7 yr old girl, new kittens, yep, love love love. The other cats(Steve Fletcher, Peaches and Smokey, not) so much.



Sophie was jumping on her trampoline while I cooked supper. She came inside and told me "Steve was heading to the porch, but when he saw the babies, he turned around. I asked him where he was going and he told me that he was afraid he would have to babysit..."

Sophie at my sister's house

When Sophie got off the school bus, she stayed with my sister so I could go do errands after work. I picked her up and she had wisdom to impart.


"Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom..."

"What? Im trying to drive."

"If you are at (my sister's), and M(her husband) has to go poop, you need to LEAVE. He MAKES THE WHOLE HOUSE STINK!"

I'm speechless....


* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Later, my sister called. She told me that while Sophie was there, it rained(whoo hoo, big surprise). All of a sudden, BOOM! This big clap of thunder BOOMED, everyone jumped. Sophie looked around and said "BOY! Thatll make a chiken lay an egg!"


* * * * * * * * * * * * * *


She also told me she was sending me a picture....


Sophie was playing with some baseballs.....

Allergies...

This happened April 27, 2011....


Sophie has allergies. They are not life threatening, they just manifest into severe hay fever symptoms.

I spent night before last at my sister's house because the road on either side of my house is impassable due to flooding. We knew it was rising Wednesday night and I just stayed down there so I could get to work yesterday. Sophie stayed at Mom's and they came out through the neighbor's pig path after daylight so she could catch the bus. This meant nobody was at my house for over 24 hours to feed the cats. (they are outdoor cats)


We go home last night and as I am putting the key in the doorknob Sophie says "What's that?" kinda strangled like. I looked over, "Eh, a cat has killed a mole..." it's on it's back with it's little paws in the air, dead as a doornail.


She SHRIEKS and climbs up my back(I still don't know how she managed it, I was on the top step, she was on the bottom) screaming "IM ALLERGIC! IM ALLERGIC!" the whole time. I finally get us in the door and try to calm her down....

"WHAT are you talking about? You aren't allergic to moles..."


She looked at me through her tears and says "Uh huh.... The allergy doctor says I'm allergic to dogs, cats, grass, pollen and MOLES!"



Ummm....yeah, she's allergic to MOLD.

I'm going to add things as they happen, but for now, Im going to tell recent things and maybe even some not-so-recent gems she has came up with.


Today...Went outside this morning to find FOUR barely weaned kittens on my porch. Sophie is BESIDE HERSELF with joy. She doesnt care she is so allergic she has to take shots. She doesnt care we already own 3 outside cats. They are perfect and adorable and HERS. She played outside with them for awhile and then brought one inside.....


Sophie holds up the kitten so I can see its stomach and says "Is this a boy or a girl?"

Me: "How would I know? Its too little to tell."(Im a crap cat sexer til theres testicles showing)

Sophie: "Well, if they were COWS we could tell. Girl cows have udders and pee out of their butts. Boy cows...."

Me: "Wait, what? Boy cows? Do you mean bulls?"

Sophie: "Yeah, bulls. Girl cows pee out of their butts and have udders. BULLS pee from that thing under their stomach. They dont have udders, either."

Intro to Us

Im Christy.......born in December, 1968. I'm mom to 3 children...Anthony(11/88), Nick(12/93) and Sophie(1/04). I'm also Mamaw to Keegan(12/10). Everything is wild around here, but Sophie is an entity unto herself. She says so many funny things, I wanted a place to perserve them instead of trying to keep them in my head and my forget them.